


song of the lost

by cellularskies



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 22:11:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5515196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cellularskies/pseuds/cellularskies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>- To the beautiful lives cut down on the battlefield. (Naki-centric)</p>
            </blockquote>





	song of the lost

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rinnekanzaki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinnekanzaki/gifts).



[15]

He’s done it. Kanou’s done _it_.

Countless versions of this news run through your head as you mindlessly rush over to his new laboratory. You do not care about the tears that stream off your face, Miza and Ayato’s confused shouts, or the strange looks the standard Aogiri members shoot your way.

Those things are not important now. What is important is that Kanou has carried out is promise.

Gagi and Guge are _back_.

 

[15.7]

What. The. Hell. Is. _This_?

 

[7]

Was there someone before you met Yamori?

You always struggle to remember something, no matter how little, but those memories slip through shaking fingers like snot and tears on that lonely night in the 11th ward – so uselessly, so pathetically.

There must have someone. There has to be.

But you cannot (will not) remember because –

 

[13]

“Yes,” Tatara says, with not a single drop of remorse. “They’re expendable and can simply be replaced.”

You can hear Ayato tremble with anger as he challenges Tatara’s piercing gaze as you look away, unable to watch the confrontation, much less coax words to come from your mouth.

Takizawa laughs (a tragedy as disgusting as the food he can no longer eat, he jeers), and the garbled, chaotic sounds resonates through the area overwhelmingly. It constricts your stomach, throat, _everything_ as Tatara’s solemn voice cuts through the noise.

“ _All_ of them.”

 

[1]

“You should go,” a voice with no face urges.

You want to protest and say you can stay and fight along with them. You can’t just abandon them; there _must_ be something you can do.

“We can beat them together,” you beg, panic rising in your voice.

Eyes that you have seen so many times – in the mirror, in that lone picture, on their face – have changed, as if the life is already draining away from them.

(“No, we can’t.”)

 

[1.2]

Away from a battle you cannot win.

Away from the enemy that wields their cruel tools of death.

Away from the eyes that are yours but not.

Away from those days that have long since died.

 

[15.1]

_Gagi, Guge, your big brother is –_

 

[15.5]

No. This is _not_ what you wanted. This is _definitely_ not what you expected.

Disbelief suffocates the words you would have said, and you stare at the two ghouls, half horrified, half disgusted at the sight that you should have seen coming.

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see how expectantly the doctor watches your reaction.

(Only two kakugan gaze back at you.)

 

[8]

The other investigator, eyes and eyebrows blazing with unbridled fury, retaliates for his comrade with a violent swing of his quinque.

The force knocks you flying, and the pain that lingers feels like –

(A smile that once kept you safe, a voice that you had known, someone you have forgotten.)

You do not bother with empty musing, feeling a jeer mold itself into your face as you prepare to return the favor graciously.

 

[15.5]

Looking at your grim face, Kanou laughs, and it slightly quells the unease that’s seized your insides.

Yes. This must be a joke. It must be. These two young women must be his newest experiments.

_That must be it!_

A smile you do not understand crinkles the doctor’s face as he airily gestures at the two ghouls with a slight nod in their direction.

“Why the long face? Here are Gagi and Guge.”

 

[6]

“Yamori?” the small Aogiri executive repeats slowly. “He’s dead.”

Without consideration for his injuries across half his body, you shake the small teenager angrily and promptly begin shouting in his face.

“He can’t be dead! Yamori is strong! Yamori is my big brother! Yamori is –”

 

[5]

“A god…” Yamori trails off, and a nervous feeling seems to clench at your heart.

You may be a fool, but when it comes to Yamori, it’s so easy to see the momentary change that flashes across his face.

It’s a look you don’t recognize, and that scares you because Yamori has always been the constant in your life as you remember it.

“Is there something wrong with that?” you ask, trying to be as nonchalant as possible.

“No.”

(The rest of his words, you do not hear, but perhaps it is for the better.)

 

[3]

You marvel at the twins sitting before you, full to the brim with adoration and glee.

“Look at me, big brother! I saved these two from the terrible doves!”

Squatting down to match the two, you hand the two matching masks and smile reassuringly when they take the masks with some hesitation. Without warning you wrap them both in a hug.

You want to protect them.

You want to teach them.

You want to be their big brother.

 

[15.9999999999]

You are not _their_ big brother.

 

[4]

Your stay at Cochlea is remarkably uninteresting. Day after day passes with no sign of change, and you are left alone with your thoughts.

Anger (for not defeating your foes). Worry (for Gagi and Guge). Impatience (because you want something to happen).

On that night of flashing lights, showers of blood, and glorious chaos, you seize your freedom with victory and murder and Yamori’s memory.

You are filled with confidence. You _know_ you will see him again.

 

[14]

Your screams and cries blend poorly with the cacophony of the battlefield, but you do not care. You can’t lose Gagi and Guge as well. Perhaps it is foolish to mourn now, but it doesn’t matter to you. You will be always there for the twins until they die. You will not let them die alone.

When you feel their last breath (how fitting that they die in that same moment), you let out a guttural scream, the rest of the White Suits roar as if they are your pain and sorrow.

(And in the frantic retreat, you struggle to take their bodies with you because you weren’t able to do the same for someone else you loved dearly.)

 

[13]

You may cry, you may scream, you may throw a fit -

But you do not have the power to bring Yamori back from the dead.

It takes days, weeks, months for you to comes to terms with this fact, but you move on from this fact (from this pitiful you).

You have yourself, Gagi and Guge, and a new growing family of ghouls in white. It’ll be okay.

Examining your slicked back hair in the mirror, you smile at how much your appearance reminds you of Yamori. Hopefully, you can be as good of a big brother as he was.

 

[16]

“J-Jason…?” the taller one-eye stutters, shaking severely at the realization.

You sneer at her cowardice and are no more impressed when the other one exchanges contemptuous looks with you. In fact, that alone is the last straw.

Your kagune erupts from your shoulder, and a dark grin paints your face when you see that both have backed off, seemingly unable to do the same just yet. Good.

However, before you can take a step forward, the doctor swiftly intervenes with a casual hand wave, dismissing the two back to wherever (not that you care). For a moment, you contemplate crushing him like the weak human he is (like those two were), but you stop when you hear Eto’s soft, childlike voice.

“They’re so cute, Kanou,” she chuckles, flitting between the two, who stand awkwardly under her scrutiny.

The taller one shivers when a bandaged hand brushes at her cheek.

“I could just eat them up!”          

 

[14]

Over days, months, years, you watch your allies come and go like seasons in a lifetime.

The dead number so many, you begin to forget most of them all together, all except for -

 

[2]

When Death sweeps through like a violent wind, sweeping away a majority of the population of 13th ward, you become reckless and descend on unsuspecting humans with neither stealth nor subtlety.

You earn a week of glory before you are violently put in your place.

There is such a ghoul known as the 13th Ward’s Jason.

(And he is _strong_.)

 

[9]

You know you shouldn’t have done it, but you had to. Just one last time.

Carefully maneuvering through the rubble of the former 11th ward stronghold, you make your way over to the building that was Yamori’s alone.

When you see what is left (blood, suffering, death) –

 

[10]

“You were an idiot to go,”Ayato says, as he continues to pummel you as a punishment for sneaking away.

You fall to your knees, dizzied by a haze of your own blood and sweat. The pain you feel is nothing, nothing compared to the knowledge that –

The world blurs around you into a watery mess, but you can hear the younger ghoul sigh in exasperation. You flinch at the first sign of movement, expecting a blow that does not come.

“Don’t do something so foolish again,” Ayato mutters as he walks away.

 

[18]

 “We’ll figure something out,” you say, praying that the words do not sound hollow.

 “Yeah,” Ayato absently replies, looking off into the distance, fingering a book that neither of you can read.

 

[ _i_ ]

(“When I die, I have only one request – I wish to protect my big brother even with my death.” 

“…”)

 

[19]

There’s too many of them, you think, cutting down dove after dove. 

It was foolish to have tried and strike at Cochlea again, but Ayato, you and the others did so anyways.

The CCG are much more prepared: Their quinques are strong. Their new weapons are strong. Their investigators are horrifying stronger. You watch helplessly as your White Suits fall victim one by one to the endless waves of attacks, until only the two one-eyes remain.

“We have to retreat,” you shout, turning around, only to see –

 

[17]

“What are your names?” You ask.

The smaller one only stares at you coldly, and you sneer in response.

However a soft stutter (“Asahi and Kiiko”) comes from the taller one, and you feel this may be the beginning of something, something –

 

[20]

“AYATO!” you scream uselessly as the ghoul shakily is kept standing, supported by a quinque straight through his –

 _No. It can’t be_.

Splatters of red fly everywhere as the investigator clad in black flourishes the spiked spine (no no no no _no_ ), Ayato lying unresponsively next to him.

Cold dark eyes behind glasses rest upon you before moving over to the one-eyes.

“What have we here?”

 

[17.5]

“Try harder!” you shout at Asahi, who matches you with unintelligible swears as she goes for another failed attack.

In the end she loses, but the one-eye swears that she’ll surpass you one day.

 

[17.3]

“This is -”

“Your kagune,” you tell Kiiko with pride. “You’ll be strong, just like its original owner.”

 

[17.7]

“Eat it!” you shriek as you wrestle Asahi to the ground. “If you want to be stronger, you need to eat more meat!”

“Damn it! I’m full!”

“EAT IT!”

 

[22]

You charge at the investigator without hesitation.

“Idiots, _run_!” you shout in desperation, hoping that they’ll understand.

The investigator raises what is left of Hinami up into the air, preparing for a swift strike -

(You know what the outcome will be. You are not afraid because -)

 

[Y]

“From this day on, I’m your big brother, okay?”

 

[21]

The black reaper has come.

**Author's Note:**

> For giftee rinnekanzaki, I hope you like it. Hope your holidays are good. ^^
> 
> I'm pretty sure that this won't happen actually happen in :re, but my brain said Naki + angst is delicious so ;;
> 
> I'm so sorry, cinnamon roll. orz


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